The Fallacy of the Ambiguous End - Page 1

Introduction:

A chorus, dressed in white Greek robes, walks out into a marble hall. They begin to sing.

 

Chorus:

In the first age there was nothing,

But now we know only spring,

A new age is dawning,

But I can’t find my ring,

A hero waits,

Soon he will be born,

And rise above the shackles,

Of hates early morn,

And when the battle is lost and won,

A new dawn will rise,

Yet we will be lost, amongst our great surprise…

 

And so the age of darkness,

Grows ever near,

And we wait patiently,

Like purple speckled deer,

And just as we come,

Across a new creek,

We’ll paddle down the river,

Unable to…

 

A tremendous roar is heard as a space ship crashes through the walls of the marble hall and begins flying erratically, knocking down marble pillars everywhere. The members of the chorus run around frantically looking for cover.

 

Inside the space ship:

 

Gogo: Hey, what are you doing?

Patchang Attempting to pilot the space ship: I don’t know?

Gogo: Get us the hell out of here!

Patchang: I can’t, the steering wheel just fell off!

 

Out of the window we see the space ship continuing to bounce around the marble hall. Sitting in the back seat is Bob, General of philosophy.

 

General Bob: The steering wheel didn’t fall off, it never existed!

Gogo: Hey! What are you doing here?

General Bob: I live here.

Patchang: No you don’t, this is OUR spaceship!

General Bob: No it’s my home.

Patchang Looking back at Bob instead of out the front window. Out of the window we see a cow splatter against the windscreen: Since when?

General Bob: Since I don’t exist, which is always, so this has always been my home.

Gogo: I don’t understand.

General Bob: Since I don’t exist, everywhere that doesn’t exist is my home and since this space ship does not exist it is my home, get it?

Gogo: No not really…

 

Cut to out side the space ship, the marble hall is now a flaming wreck. The space ship disappears.

 

Gogo, Patchang and General Bob are seen floating against a white screen. A winged moose flies past in the back ground.

 

General Bob: Do you get it now?

Patchang: Wait, if you don’t exist, how are you here? Surely the fact that you are here confirms you exist?

General Bob: What if your eyes deceive you?

 

Patchang closes his eyes. The screen goes black. When he reopens them General Bob is gone.

 

Patchang: After all these years, my eyes chose to deceive me by imagining into existence a time travelling general of philosophy.

Gogo: Oh no, help, my teeth are made of candy!

Patchang: No they’re not. You just put one of those gummy teeth candies into your mouth. Where’d you get that?

Gogo: Candy seller.

Patchang: What candy seller?

Gogo: Open your eyes?

 

Screen flashes black for a moment. When the image comes back Gogo and Patchang are standing inside a candy store.

 

Candy Seller: Hey are you going to pay for that?

Gogo: Only if you exist.

 

Candy Seller disappears. A winged moose (not the same as before) walks into the candy store.

 

Winged Moose: Oh god, not again!