The Fallacy of the Ambiguous End - Page 2

Act 1: I once loved a Muusu.

(Or “How I stopped worrying and learnt to play cribbage with penguins”)

 

Scene 1 – The year is 5124 Four years after the events of “The Muusu Bandit”

 

Policemen from the Time Jump Law Enforcement Agency are seen running through the streets of a crowded city. They are chasing a man wearing parachute pants and lots of gold chains.

 

Policemen 1: Quick, stop him! He’s going to get away.

 

The man begins to climb a ladder, the police start climbing after him. As the man reaches the top he climbs onto the roof of a building. Hover cars appear and begin shooting lasers at him. The man dodges them and keeps running. He heads for the edge of the building and jumps over it onto another building. The Police follow, but one of the police does not make the jump and he crashed through the window of one of the lower floors of the building he was trying to reach. Cream cheese pours out of the broken window in a massive torrent and the man is blown back out the window and lands on the ground in a sea of creamed cheese.

 

Panning back to the roof top the chase continues. More police are coming from every where but the man continues to jump effortlessly across the buildings.

 

Finally the man is cornered. He stands on the edge of a very tall building. Below him are the flashing lights of dozens of police cars. A spot light flashes on him.

 

Man It is indeed MC Hammer: Yo dudes, it’s Hammer Time!

 

The man begins to break dance before he time jumps out.

 

Police Sergent: That’s the third time traveller this week that a time traveller has escaped our grasp. Turning to policeman 1 How could you let MC get away? Do you have any idea what sort of damage he could do to the future, or the past, or the present? This is going to play havoc with the continuum. The head of the policeman he is talking too suddenly turns into a salmon. See what I ’m talking about?

 

Policemen 1 Still with the head of a salmon: Yeah I understand Sarge, but these time travellers, man they’re everywhere. How do we stop the infestation?

 

Sergent: By doing your god dam job! That goes for all of you! Now get back to work.

 

The Sergent heads towards a door that takes him inside the building he is standing on. He heads for the lifts gets in and presses a button marked “G”. The camera must zoom in on this button.

 

As the lift descends, the elevator music slowly morphs into Advanced Australia Fair. The Sergent looks at the button he has just pressed. The button now shows the Muusu sign.

 

The Muusu Bandit time jumps in next to him .

 

The Muusu Bandit Appears the same as the previous film, the Muusu Bandit, i.e. Citizen Moose with a Zorro mask, except one of his arms is an electric eel: The continued failing of the Time Jump Law Enforcement Agency must be a blight on your otherwise distinguished career Sergent. How do you intend to protect the continuum when you can’t stop so many illegal time jumps? I mean come on, I, your biggest enemy can stand here next to you and you can’t do a thing!

 

Sergent: I know there’s no point in me trying to kill you here in this elevator. You’ll simply time jump out. I intend to study you Muusu, find out what makes you tick. Only then can I beat you.

 

The Muusu Bandit: You, beat me? Ha! Don’t make me laugh. Even the Emperor of the Galaxy, Monsieur Ole, after combining his God Head power with the secret trainings of the CN Curling Kung-Fu Monks was no match for me!

 

The elevator dings announcing that it has reached its destination. The doors open and the Sergent walks out. The Muusu Bandit has time jumped away.

 

A media scrum awaits the Sergent.

 

Reporter: Sergent, Once again the Time Jump Law Enforcement Agency has failed to stop an illegal time jump. What went wrong?

 

Sergent: I can assure you the TJLEA is doing all in its powers to stop these illegal time jumps.

 

Another reporter: But surely you cannot stop these jumps whilst the Muusu Bandit remains at large?

 

Sergent: As I have said many times, the two are unrelated. We are committed equally to both tasks. I can assure you the Muusu Bandit will not escape.

 

The reporters look startled. They begin to move in odd directions, despite their best attempts to run away. They are moved into the Muusu symbol.

 

Reporter: Help, help us!

 

Sergent: I know you’re in here Muusu! Let the people go!

 

The reporters are released and fall to the floor. Laughter is heard along with Advance Australia Fair. Two ducks time jump into the room brandishing machine guns.

 

Random Policeman: I love creamed cheese pudding!

 

Another random policeman: What makes you say that? In the back ground bullets start flying everywhere.

 

Random Policeman: You mean you don’t like cream cheese pudding?

 

Second random policemen: No I love it; I just don’t think this is an appropriate time to discuss it.

 

Random Policeman: Well when would be an appropriate time?

 

MC Hammer time jumps in and begins rapping. His parachute pants spontaneously combust but luckily for MC his shirt turns to water and puts out the fire.

 

MC Hammer In his underwear: Can’t touch this indeed!

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Because “The Muusu Bandit” which precedes this script remains an unfinished masterpiece the author of this script has had to interpret the ending of “The Muusu Bandit” for himself. To wit, the author has presumed that “The Muusu Bandit” ended with Monsieur Ole training with the CN Curling Kung-Fu Monks in an attempt to gain immense power and stop the Muusu Bandit. However, when the two faced each other in battle Monsieur Ole was unable to defeat Muusu and the Bandit escaped, with Ole almost being killed. Fallacy begins four years after that battle.