On Philosophical Discourse (Page 2)

Scene 4: The Nightingale Introduction

 

Screen is split into four, each with a close up of the nightingale each in a different colour, Andy Warhol style.

Nightingale: So now it is time for my 15 minutes of fame.

Genghis Khan: Sorry, you only have 14 minutes of air time.

Nightingale: I knew I never should have become a mason. Oh well the moose insurance was good. As was the fishcheese.

Arthur Miller: You sir are a cheese.

Nightingale: That’s it! Ill will make myself famous by discovering the meaning of cheese! The 28 th oldest mystery known to man, and the earliest to not involve Alpenhorns!

Nightingale Time Jumps out. Arthur Miller and Genghis Khan fight, Miller yelling about how the Crucible is better than a Mongol hoard.

 

Scene 5: Imperial Hall

 

Count Vladimir: There are rumours going around the empire that the hunt for the meaning of cheese has begun. Already two factions are involved. As my trusted aids Gogo and Patchang have already been subcontracted to one of these factions that are already chasing it. Why aren’t we?

Estaban Rodriguez III: We’ll get right on it.

Mr Wedge: We will do everything in our power to stop the other factions discovering the meaning of cheese and seize it for your glory.

Snayke Mann: First we will take care of the assassin’s faction.

Estaban, Wedge and Snayke Mann time jump out.

   

Scene 6: Another Fight Scene

 

Zoltan the Assassin is standing in a clearing. Snayke Mann, Estaban Rodriguez III and Mr Wedge time jump in. Zoltan brings his staff to the ready.

Zoltan: What business do you have with me?

Estaban Rodriguez III: We know you hunt the meaning of cheese.

Zoltan: I do not. I have no such interest in the meaning of cheese. I only want to kill those who do. So if you do not attack me, I will attack you.

Zoltan, Estaban, Snayke Mann and Mr Wedge fight. Just as Zoltan is about to be killed he time jumps out.

 

Scene 7: The Briefing

 

Meep: Mixing things in a bucket with highlighters, that’s your solution to everything.

Caption on black screen: Two Minutes Later.

Meep: Well how was I supposed to know that you can cure world hunger and make world peace simultaneously with only one bucket, some water and magic markers?

Monsieur Ole: Well they aren’t called magic markers because they are made of cheesefish.

Meep: But they are made of cheesefish.

Monsieur Ole: Good point. Well made.

Gogo and Patchang time jump in to where Meep and Monsieur Ole are talking.

Meep: Glad you could make it. We need your services to eliminate the competition and discover the true meaning of cheese.

Monsieur Ole: Yes it unfortunate that Philosophy has become such a deadly occupation lately. I remember when it was all about the moose riding, but those days are far in the past, and on my last trip to the future far into the future as well. There are three factions vying for the meaning of cheese. In addition to us Count Vladimir, in an attempt to once again overthrow the Good Emperor and become the evil emperor of the universe has assembled a posse of Estaban Rodriguez III, Mr Wedge and Snayke Mann.

Patchang: No! Not Snayke Mann!

Meep: The same. There is one more faction. Zoltan the Assassin has just joined forces with the Nightingale.

Gogo: We will kill them all. And whilst we are at it we may discover the meaning of cheese. Although that part is not guaranteed.

Meep: Whatever. Just go forth and prepare for the fight scene!

Gogo and Patchang time jump out.

 

Scene 8: The Forging of an Alliance

 

Zoltan time jumps in to where the Nightingale is, in some clearing.

Zoltan: Are you to seek the meaning of cheese?

Nightingale: That is my quest.

Zoltan: Then you shall die.

Zoltan and the Nightingale fight. This can be achieved by showing the camera next to the bird and having Zoltan thrust at it or some such.

Nightingale: For the love of moose, stop! We do not need to fight. For one, you are an assassin yet rather than assassinating from afar you insist on fighting at close quarters. Secondly we should form an alliance. Together we could find the meaning of cheese and I could get my extra minute of fame. For how else I am to do it? Create a website showing my travelling exploits around the world? That is a silly idea, and a pox on both your houses for suggesting it.

Zoltan: But I didn’t say anything…

Nightingale: There you go again. You heard him didn’t you Johnny?

Johnny: Oh indeed. By the way I sort of have to be elsewhere – you know duty to your lord, your master, your supreme cheesefish and all that.

Johnny Time Jumps Out.

Zoltan: Fine I acquiesce to your offer of an alliance as long as you stop playing that damnable melodica!

Cut to Nightingale with Melodica it its mouth.