By Matt (Colonel)
Client – Bill Winthrop
P.I. – John Hulka
Setting: A man walks up to an inner city office. It is a normal looking office in the city. The man is dressed in a business suit and carries a briefcase. He looks a little nervous.
He walks inside and looks at the building directory. He finds a small gold plaque which reads Hulka, J. Private Investigator - 3rd Floor. He heads to an elevator and hits the button labelled 3.
The door shuts and the noise of the street is replaced by soft elevator music. The door opens into a well lit foyer. He steps outside and sees a young attractive secretary who is reading a magazine. He approaches the desk.
Bill: Uh, excuse me, my name is Mr. Winthrop, I made an appointment earlier with Mr. Hulka.
Secretary (In a sweet bubbly tone): Certainly sir, down the hall and to the right, he’s been expecting you.
Bill: Oh, thank you. Thank you very much.
Secretary: Certainly sir.
The man continues down a well lit hallway. He turns to the right and looks back at the foyer. The secretary has returned to her magazine. He looks at the door. A small plaque reads Hulka, J. It is attached crooked.
He turns the handle. The camera then switches to a shot of the door from the other side as the man steps into the office. The scene is now in black and white.
The man looks nervously around the office. A grizzly looking film noir detective with a trilby hat sits behind an old oak desk. He’s leaning back in his chair, his jacket off. He has a cigar in his mouth which he removes and places in an ash tray.
P.I: Who are you?
Bill: My name’s Mr. Winthrop. I called earlier, your secretar… (He gets cut off)
P.I: Who sent you?
Bill: I made an appointment. Your secretary showed me in.
P.I: I don’t have a secretary.
Bill: But I jus… (He gets cut off)
P.I: What do you want? Is it about a dame? It’s always about a dame. Let me give you some advice. A dame is good for two things, fetching a drink and a bullet in the head.
Bill: Well actually it is about my wife.
P.I: Your wife. Why’d you get married? Marriage is for losers, for the beaten. It just ties you down and breaks your spirit.
Bill: Is this a good time?
P.I: Why got somewhere to be?
Bill: No, it’s just you weren’t what I expected.
P.I: Well, what’d you expect? Tell me about your wife.
Bill: Well, I she came home…
As Bill is talking the P.I turns to the side and begins to speak into the camera.
P.I (To the camera): It was the same old story. His wife was after a younger man. I’d heard it a million times. These things never turned out pretty. I knew from the moment he walked into my office that this guy would spell trouble. Trouble with a capital T. I always… (He gets cut off)
Bill: Who are you talking to?
Bill: Who were you talking to just now? I started talking and you turned away and started talking to someone.
P.I: No I didn’t.
Bill: Yes you did, just now.
P.I: No I didn’t now go on. You said you wife came home and…
Bill (Gives the P.I an odd look and begins telling his story again): Well as I was saying…
The P.I turns back the camera and begins talking again. This guy was smart. And not just book smart. Real smart, tough smart. The kind of smart you...
Bill: There you did it again.
P.I: Did what?
Bill: Started talking again while I was speaking.
P.I: Oh you mean just now?
Bill: Yeah, just now.
P.I: Oh sorry, I was just talking to the camera, you know for the audience. Like an aside in a play.
Bill: Oh I see like this… (Bill turns to the camera) This guy was odd. I mean real odd. I didn’t like him and I didn’t know why.
P.I: See now you’ve got it. (P.I turns to the camera) This guy was quick. I knew then that when this was all finished I’d either be shooting him in the head or calling him partner.
P.I: Let me fix you a drink. I know your type. Scotch on the rocks, in a double with out the rocks.
Bill: That’s not my drink.
P.I appears to have not heard Bill and proceeds to pour him a triple of whiskey into a dirty glass. He hands it to Bill. Bill looks at it with a discerning eye, takes a sip and gasps for air.
P.I: That stuff to weak for you? I knew it would be. So you want me to find out whether or not you wife is having an affair. Should I shoot her as well? No. Only cost you the price of my bullets…
Bill: Maybe this was a bad idea.
P.I: Sit down and shut up. I charge by the day. $50 plus expenses. I’ll call you in three weeks. Let you know what I’ve found. Don’t leave town, because I’ll find out where you live. And you don’t want that to happen.
Bill gets up and slowly backs away. He opens the door and scurries out.
The camera turns back to colour and Bill finds himself back in the well lit hallway. He walks past the secretary’s desk.
Secretary: I hope John was helpful. Have a good evening sir.
Bill steps into the elevator. Close up of his scared and confused look as the elevator door closes in front of him.