The Adventures of P.K. Shaw

Earlier this morning, Colonel posted a sample chapter of our as-yet-unwritten Middle of Nowhere Self-Help Book. Completely independently, I had decided to post the first part of a new online serial entitled The Adventures of P.K. Shaw

Being a Middle of Nowhere Production, it is severly bizzare and is no-doubt going to induce fear and nausea in its readers.

So without further ado we proudly present Part One of The Adventures of P.K. Shaw!

The Fantastic Adventures of P.K. Shaw – Part 1: The Beginning

Another Radio Serial: In Infinite Parts


Narrator: One fine day, birds were singing and there were no clouds in the perfectly blue sky. But, something was missing. And although some of the finest minds in the world had pondered this issue for years they were no closer to discovering what it was.

FX: Thunder and wind

Narrator: Suddenly and unexpectedly a large storm formed from nowhere. Fearsome and ominous it loomed large over the peaceful land.

FX: More thunder and wind, louder and with rain.

Narrator: During the midst of this storm, the local townsfolk cowered in their houses. Except for one couple who were driving frantically towards the local hospital. The story was the same. A baby chose to be born at the worst possible time.

FX: Crying then thunder and silence.

Woman: No!!! My baby!

Man: Noooo!

Narrator: A seemingly tragic event had taken place. A huge bolt of lightning had descended from the heavens, through the open car window and struck the new-born baby. Who proceeded to utter the timeless words:

Baby: Being your age is hard enough without having to act it.

Narrator: This bolt of lightning had been thrown from the heavens by the gods, transforming this baby into the previously fictional P.K. Shaw, the invention of every good calendar editor in history. And from this moment forth, young P.K. would provide a quote for every occasion.

Title song or three.

P.K. Shaw! It’s P.K Shaw! He’s our favourite fictional know-it-all. He writes all day and quotes all night! He’s the omnipresent, fictional know-it-all!!!

P.K: Wait! I exist now!

He’s the omnipresent, non-fictional know-it-all!!!

P.K: That’s better.

Chapter I: The Young PK Years

Narrator: Of course, being a baby with the ability to speak world changing quotes, he quickly became a novelty at circus side-shows.

Country American lady: Oh! Look at that baby! Isn’t he adorable!

PK: When you stir up the water you can see the mud.

Yokel soundin’ guy: Hyuck! Dadgum! The lil’ fellas’ right. That’s why my turnips won’t grow!

Narrator: Over time, young P.K. Shaw became discontented with his role within the circus side-show. He wanted to move on to bigger and better things.

PK: When you stay in a job too long, you find faults which weren’t there before.

Woman: What does that mean?

PK: It means you are a stupid fat idiot who has been working at the post office since you were 12 and you have never done anything but lick stamps!

Woman: Wow! You’re right. Tomorrow I’m going to mop the floor I think!

PK: That’s right… Go mop your floors. Before you know it I’ll take over the wor…

FX: Dummy plonk sound. E.g. Simpsons style with Maggie.

Mother: Now PK, suck on your dummy for a while and stop insulting those poor people.

Narrator: It was exactly this type of treatment that young PK came to resent and it would affect him for the rest of his life.

Narrator: Despite the fact that he was but 1 year old, young P.K. Shaw had already contributed to several day-to-a-page calendars. But this was not enough for him, but due to the limited mobility and strength which his young body afforded him he decided to wait and bide his time…

Narrator: One of his quotes…

PK: To hate your parents is to hate yourself…

Narrator: Would give an insight to his suffering as an infant. Later in his life, revised that quote:

PK (old man): To hate your parents is to hate yourself. This is why I despised them! And thus didn’t hate myself!


  1. Pamela Shaw
    Posted 21 October 2006 at 6:38 pm | Permalink

    I am P.K. Shaw the quoter.
    P.S. I’m a woman.

  2. Kate Reed
    Posted 23 April 2007 at 6:27 pm | Permalink

    Ok ru serious??? There is NO way Pamela Shaw is P.K. Shaw the quoter! Are you really? I thought you were dead or something! How come whenever I google or wikipedia you I can’t really find anything?

    By the way, whoever wrote the adventures of p.k. shaw is a complete genius! That is completely how I imagined him/her! And I love the way you make him/her sound like Stewie Griffin from Family Guy LOL.

  3. Posted 2 May 2007 at 3:24 pm | Permalink

    Hey Kate, thanks for visiting the site and your complements of Devslashtux’s story.

    You may have noticed this is not the first blog we’ve made about PK Shaw and it has become quite a mystery to us.

    You may like to check out our other blog entry: /blogs/snaykeemcgee/20051109/quoteification

    You’ll notice PK Shaw has posted in the comments there as well. I guess it’s up to you to decide if this is the real PK Shaw or not.

    Oh and please check out the rest of the site: – there’s alot of crazy stuff waiting to be found!

  4. Pamela Shaw
    Posted 9 September 2007 at 12:56 pm | Permalink

    I AM P.K.SHAW and I found this dialogue very funny. Just one thing wrong. I AM WOMAN! I have never found any of my sayings in quotation books but find that my fame has taken off in the USA far more that it has in Australia. I don’t have a website as yet as I am not particularly computer literate. You won’t see many of my quotes on the popular desk calendar as I am no longer associated with Collins Debden and therefore unable to promote my work. I do get a lot of enjoyment from reading the websites such as yours and suggest that you contact Grace McGarvie on her werbsite as she has produced an 80 min/700MB CD-Rom of over 1000 pages of quotations that she has gathered from many sources over the last few years. At least two thirds of my quotations are featured on this CD in many categories. I no longer produce these sayings. I now write poetry and children’s stories and helping my cousin, Mavis write a book on bush schools in NSW.
    I have been around for a few years now, BUT I DON’T FEEL OLD. I haven’t lost my sense of adverture.

    Pamela Shaw

  5. Pamela Shaw
    Posted 9 September 2007 at 12:57 pm | Permalink

    Read my Email!

  6. Posted 9 September 2007 at 10:02 pm | Permalink

    It’s rather neat for a change, rather than creating mysteries, Middle of Nowhere actually helped solve one! With the helpful aid of all of the commenters (thanks all ’round!)

    We now have a fair bit of useful information across the two P.K. Shaw posts! And potentially more quotes to make another strange story with – if only we didn’t have uni to contend with.

    I hope you don’t feel offended by our (fictional) character being male, but as Kate has pointed out, the Stewie Griffin parallels are amusing, and oddly enough unintentional… Oh well.

    You must certainly have a sense of adventure to brave the wild frontiers of the Middle of Nowhere website :)

    Oh, and I don’t believe we’ve received any e-mails (although our e-mail system is notoriously flaky, so it may have slipped through the cracks).

  7. Abigail
    Posted 11 April 2008 at 9:07 am | Permalink

    Oh, this is gold. Shows how much we’ve come to rely on Google and Wiki as the source of all information.

    Thankfully the WGP mystery has been solved.

    I still can’t find out who PK Shaw is though.