The Infinite Universe

On Philosophical Discourse (Page 1)

Scene 1: The Inter-temporal Philosophers’ Conference.


Monsieur Ole: Who ever would have thought that as well as holding the Infinite Power Source, the Zorngonpher would also contain the meaning of life? So now that the oldest puzzle ever has been solved, what are we, the Philosophers’ of the universe to do?

Meep: There is only one thing to do, solve the second oldest mystery. That is of course, When is a Cheese not a Fish?

Zoltan Time Jumps In.

Zoltan: When it is a Snake!

Caption on black screen: Much Murmuring, Gesticulating and Fights to the Death Later...

Meep: How ever did you know the answer? In 10 000 years no one has ever come close.

Zoltan: Well, when you’re an assassin you get a feel for these things.

Monsieur Ole: Well we will have to solve the 28 th oldest mystery in the universe then. What is the Meaning of Cheese?

Caption on black screen: Much Chin Stroking, Contemplation and Camel Racing Later…

Zoltan: Why the 28 th?

Monsieur Ole: Well mysteries 3 through 27 deal pretty much exclusively with Alpenhorns, for example the 7 th oldest mystery The Alpenhorn Paradox, or the 15 th oldest mystery The Alpenhorn Conundrum, and especially number 20, the All Funk Dancing Spectacular. So many Alpenhorns.

Zoltan: Fair enough then. Unfortunately I cannot assist you as by default I must be the one to hunt people down, like yourselves, and kill you, for I am Zoltan the Assassin. Well I say good luck to you Monsieur Ole and Meep, good luck in finding out the meaning of cheese, as long as I don’t kill you first.

Zoltan Time Jumps Out.

Monsieur Ole: He’ll have to be stopped you realise.

Meep: Indeed. Summon Gogo and Patchang!


Scene 2: The First Fight Scene


As many characters as possible are fighting each other. In there has to be Zoltan, Gogo and Patchang, Monsieur Ole, Meep, Snayke Mann, Big Alex, Don Cornelius, Count Vladimir and the Good Emperor. We’ll work around only having four people by doing clever editing and cuts and stuff. The fight lasts for a few minutes or so.


Caption on black screen: 12 seconds earlier

Snayke Mann: Hey, what's the bet that there's going to be an action sequence soon?

Mr Wedge: That's a sucker's bet.

Now we repeat the opening part of the fight scene again.


Scene 3: The Infinite Power Sauce Commercial


Gogo: (holding Infinite Power Source over plate of chips) Wow this does make my chips taste infinitely better!

Patchang: Well it is the Infinite Power Sauce, far better than Tomato Sauce or Ketchup or even Catsup!

Gogo: Even though I though it was impossible it does taste better than catsup!

Patchang: As I said, it is The Infinite Power Sauce.

Gogo: No its not. It’s Abraham Lincoln.

Lincoln : Four Score and seven years ago I was a bottle of sauce. Now I am a cheesefish in six dimensions, especially the dimension of cheese, and on Fridays the dimension of Zanzibar.

Director: Cut! Sorry you were all doing well in this ad for Infinite Power Sauce, but Gogo and Patchang, you have a call. It appears that two certain Philosopher’s want your services.

Patchang: We know where to go.

Gogo and Patchang Time Jump Out.